Dear Mom To Be

Dear Mom To Be 

When I was expecting my first child, I only had theoretical insight into what motherhood would be like. None of the books or websites prepared me for the practical aspects of motherhood that are so very important yet so very overlooked. Although around 9 months of pregnancy prepares you somewhat for your new title as mother, it far from prepares you for the actual role of a mum (This was true in my case and would of course love to hear a different perspective). 

It’s only when you are handed this little bundle of life that you realise the magnitude of what’s just happened. You, yes you, have suddenly become physically and emotionally responsible for this tiny human who is now entirely dependent on you for its every need (for the next few months at least). 

So dearest mom to be, I want to share with you some practical advice for the initial post partum phase which I wish someone would have shared with me before I became a mom myself. Feel free to chuck it in the bin if it doesn’t make sense to you. 

Do what’s best for you and baby - You will realise that as soon as baby is handed to you, you will be at the receiving end of a whole lot of advice. Right from the correct way to fasten baby’s nappy to feeding to protecting him/her from the evil eye. It can get very overwhelming especially when you are at your most vulnerable physically and emotionally. So, listen to everything or pretend to listen but do what works for you and baby. Believe you me! When baby is bawling in the middle of the night it’s you who is going to rush and panic, not the self righteous gyaanis. 

Look after yourself as much as possible

I still find it hard to follow this one but have come to realise it’s importance. Eat well, get some rest (even if it’s 10 minutes), take a shower. On days that I look after myself I am in a much better frame of mind to look after my kids. You cannot pour from an empty cup and the analogy holds very true in this case.

Your health is paramount

I cannot stress this enough as I unfortunately learned the hard way. Small things like posture, stretches, a walk, vitamins. These can have a huge impact on overall health. Also please don’t ignore any symptoms. I did and am still dealing with it’s consequences. Get anything that is concerning checked out so any corrective action can be initiated without delay.

Ask for help, ask unabashedly 

The first few weeks after birth are a blur. You may feel overwhelmed and even disoriented at times. During this time house hold chores like cooking and laundry can feel magnanimous. So please ask for help. Reach out to friends and family. I would’ve appreciated a hot home cooked meal any day instead of another set of newborn clothes (I don’t mean to sound ungrateful here, just trying to gain perspective)

Rely On Your Support System 

I couldn’t have got through both births and the post partum phases without my mum. She stood by me like a rock. She was there at every stage and managed everything else so that I could focus on baby and me. I also have two best friends who were ever present via texts and calls. They were and still are my main reserve of moral support. So, find your tribe and they will do the rest. 

Don’t apologise for being socially absent : There will be social events, most likely online these days. Don’t feel obligated to attend. You don’t owe anyone any explanation for your absence as you grapple with your post partum phase. Of course if you’re up to it, go for it! 

Do one thing that keeps you going : This could be anything from reading to running. Oh yeah even watching your favourite show counts. The important thing is to keep going back to it so that it keeps you going.

Don’t worry excessively about milestones : Huge small talk alert! Milestones become everyone’s sudden interest as soon as they see baby. “Oh does she speak yet?”?(No Aunty, if you noticed she’s still not weaned so...wanna guess how old she might be?) Also huge parent show off alert “Oh baby doesn’t roll over yet? Ours did at 4m!”. (Oh good for you! Are you guys thinking of baby gymnastics?). Finally, major comparison alert “Sharmaji ka pota is already sitting up!” (Taaliyaan?!). 

It’s very easy to get worried about milestones. What really got me is people trying to “encourage” the milestone. No! You do NOT push baby to roll over; You do NOT prop her up when she’s not ready.

If there’s something that’s obviously wrong you will know and you can seek professional advice. However most of the time it’s all good and babies do what they need to do when they are ready. So, don’t panic. 

Finally, enjoy your baby and the moments you have together. Someone hit the nail on its head when they said ‘The days are long but the years are short’. So.True.