Mommy Hustler

  “Please could you buy me a bug house mummy?”. This was Little R’s request for his 4th birthday. Even as a baby he was happiest outdoors exploring flowers and grass in the garden or being entirely amazed at the sight of bugs and insects. As soon as he learnt how to walk he would waddle across the length of our communal garden at the time and appear to be in a state of absolute bliss. So when he asked me for a bug house as a birthday present I wasn’t at all surprised.   Building on his love for nature, I naturally gravitated towards incorporating the outdoors into our day to day routine. I remember bundling him up in his buggy and going for long walks by the river. He immediately seemed to calm down on such walks as if the river was singing him a lullaby. Nowadays a walk in the woods is our most looked forward to activity of the day. He loves looking out for woodland creatures and collects various objects like rocks, pine cones and so on. Every time he finds something of inte...

Dear Mummy Pehle toh yaar (as you like to say) let us tell you that you are the best! Also you are funny; so funny that we end up spluttering our juice every single time you say or do something funny. Like remember that time you enacted the Gruffalo for us and ended up saying Mummylo instead? It made us laugh like crazy. So yes pleaaaaaaseeee keep being funny as it really really really makes us laugh. Now onto something serious. We know that you are secretly feeding us vegetables. We had a huge doubt when you started serving us green dal and pink dal. Some days we play along but on others it’s just too much to swallow! What was that slimy dosa you gave us that day? Please don’t tell us you put that scary looking vegetable in it?! What do you call it again ? Ladyfinger? See mummy the name itself is dodgy (your favourite word, see?) so yes we have our limits you know. And no don’t even think about it- Bribes will NOT work. That Halloween, we mean Ladyfinger dosa is worth nothing. Nothing...

Gone are the days when I could choose my outfit at leisure, dress up without having little hands tug at my legs and apply make up as if I were in the Sajana hai mujhe sajana ke liye video.  Nowadays leaving the house is best described as a whirlwind. Getting two kids under 4 ready and out of the house makes you feel like you’re in an episode of Crystal Maze, the only difference being you get zero crystals for all that hard work.  It’s not just the ‘getting the kids ready’ part that needs to be tackled. You need to do all the behind the scenes work too to ensure a smooth outing. Let’s see what this involves: Planning the outing based on baby’s routine- This is so important as it will ensure both you and baby are able to enjoy. Avoid commuting during meal times for example but definitely go for it if it’s nap time. Of course baby may change their own routine but try we must!  Baby bag - The go to bag irrespective of whether you’re off to the mall or Maldives. It contains ev...

“Please relax, calm down, love” said the nurse at our local doctor’s practice. I was in a jittery state soon after Little R was jabbed four times in his tiny arms and legs. He was crying and screaming at the top of his lungs. This immunisation process was getting far too intense. I’m sure everybody in the clinic heard him. He didn’t sound much different from Himesh Reshamiya singing Naam tera, tera…..It was equally if not more distressing. He finally calmed down and drifted off to sleep in the pram on our way home. I remember psyching myself up before the kids’ immunisation in their first year. Although I still do this for Baby R, Little R now who is at the very curious age of 4 needs some preparation for visits to the doctor and dentist. Bringing up a dentist visit with a 4 year old is tricky. They can either get excited about it or become far too anxious. You need to take into consideration how your child is likely to respond before broaching the subject. A craft activity, a book and...

Guilty guilty guilty mujhe log bole! Hi guilty, hello guilty kyun na bole?!  Oh how I wish it was the ‘log’ because here, the guilt emanates from myself. Aren’t we mums guilty of feeling guilty? Guilt for going to the office, guilt for choosing to stay at home, guilt for taking more than 5 minutes in the loo!! Guilt, guilt, guilt. I never experienced this feeling so often and at such intensity before I became a mother.  Why do we end up feeling so guilty all the time? I thought about this a lot and have come up with the following probable reasons:  The image of the ‘ideal’ mother as portrayed by the media. The mum who supposedly has it all including a supreme spirit to sacrifice her own needs. It’s only recently that this ideal is being challenged but it will take a while because of its deep rooted impact. Thanks rahega Mother India! Thanks rahega! External validation for being a fantastic mom! I mean why do we pine for external validation? The only validation you need is...

  These days my haalat is similar to that of Vidya Balan as the infamous Manjulikaa. The only difference being Manjulika was confined to a room whereas I can be seen running around the house like a headless chicken. All thanks to very little sleep. Baby R (nearly 2) is still getting his teeth not in EMI but at very random moments in time. I wish it was the former. At least then I’d be physically and mentally prepared for  sleepless nights. Sigh… A lot has been written about sleep or the lack of it during the early years of parenting. It all starts soon after the birth of the child. Your body is still reeling under the shock of having birthed another human and is in dire need of rest but you can’t sleep- you need to feed the baby every two hours for starters! “The baby’s tummy is the size of a walnut love” - I was told by a rotund midwife. I actually asked her if she was joking because this baby’s tummy was at least the size of an orange going by feeding duration and frequency!...

Toys  It was 8.30 pm on a weekday evening. I sat in the middle of what looked like the aftermath of a badly carried out burglary; Lego blocks, cars, crayons, books, dinosaurs and even a toilet roll (!) were carelessly scattered around me. I felt like any minute now CID ACP Pradyuman would barge into my living room and say rather sombrely, “kuch toh gadbad hai Daya”. Yes Sir! Gadbad toh hai hi, how oh how did we end up with so many toys? Tidying up the kids’ toys and books everyday, throughout the day is becoming a real sore point in our otherwise hasta khelta parivaar. Getting the kids (4y and nearly 2y) to tidy up is easier said than done. Resorting to threats and/or bribes towards the end of the day is more tiresome than you can imagine.  I sometimes feel like I’m in a bazaar - “Bhaiyya do aur tamaatar daal do na” only to be told “ itne paise mein itnaich milega!” I’d rather tidy up myself on most days except when I’m feeling particularly patient to negotiate with the boys. ...

A trip to the supermarket before the kids came along was like retail therapy. I would browse at leisure, literally stopping to smell the flowers, at the flowers section of course! These days however the trip can best be described as a treasure hunt - a list, a mission and immense time constraints. Taking two young kids along with you just makes it all the more exciting…not! Kids love going to supermarkets. Their senses are blown away by the colours as well as by the hustle bustle of people and trollies.  It’s a lot like Rajpal Yadav in one of his movies except that here my kids are actually running head on instead of standing quietly and staring in utter astonishment.  Keeping an eye on the kids whilst shopping for essentials is multitasking at its best. Imagine You are running after a toddler and checking the sell by date on a milk bottle or opening a snack packet and reaching out for a carton of cereal. It truly is a test of balance, coordination and speed.  I will let ...

Krupya dhyaan se suniye:  The decision to move to a different country was ours  The decision to have kids was ours The decision to raise kids during a global pandemic and its aftermath in a faraway place was NOT ours   So when gyaan is given about how I need to “adjust” in response to me sharing difficult moments of raising a young family with zero support it makes me want to sing “Aata maajhi satakli” on a loudspeaker. On loop. In a nasal voice. Preferably that of Suneil Shetty.  In moments like these, Wait! let me rephrase that. At all moments, especially such dimag ki dahi ones, I reach out to my virtual village consisting of my parents based in India and my best friend in the US. Since I’m in the UK I have virtual support for all my waking hours. How blessed am I?!  It’s amazing how my kids (Little R, 4y and Baby R, nearly 2y) have also started relying on my most favourite people albeit virtually. Every morning, Baby R will want to begin his day by say...

Before having kids I used to really enjoy cooking. Now, not so much. Wait! I actually don’t like it at all. Cooking for two fussy toddlers has done this to my cooking spirit. I feel this spirit has, over a period of time become a bhatakti aatma thanks to all the insults she has had to endure at the hands of my boys. Throwing, squashing, mauling….Uff just thinking about it makes me heave my chest like Kiron Kher in Dostana. Maa da laadlaa bigad gaya!!  Cooking for me is something that needs to be done at leisure. However cooking with two young kids present in the kitchen with you makes this far from possible. Children by their inherent nature are curious and that’s wonderful of course until their curiosity begins to seep into your kitchen cabinet of pots and pans or worse even the spice rack! Before you ask, yes I have tried child locks (of almost all types) but both boys have cracked the code. I’m not sure whether I should be proud or terribly concerned!  A logistical issue no...

Have you ever tried to get a toddler to brush their teeth twice a day, for at least 2 minutes per brushing session? No? Ok so, imagine a very excitable, hungry puppy. Now imagine this puppy crying when you ask it to do something reasonable and over reacting completely because you gave it e.g. food in a yellow bowl instead of in a red one. Now, add another younger puppy to this situation. Both puppies are locked inside a small room with you for what seems to be like eternity. Also, the room is poorly ventilated. You are responsible for getting the job done but you have difficult customers.  I don’t know about you but brushing times at our place with Little R (4y) and Baby R (almost 2y) are nothing short of drama infused episodes. The husband is in charge of this routine and has all my sympathies . It starts with Little R attempting to put paste on his toothbrush at what can be best described as snail’s pace. Baby R at the same time will be shouting “brush teeth, brush teeth”. Before...

Social media these days is full of articles about “me time” and self care for mums. From sleeping in to spas you are not in dearth of options. All this information is great to read but iska main karu kya? With two kids, now 4 and under I am just grateful if I can pee in peace. The other day I was followed into the loo and was challenged by my 4 year old (Little R) to “wee like a boy mummy! Stand up!” whilst my 1.9y old (Baby R) was literally hanging off the wash basin to turn on the tap! I had to request Little R to kindly step out whilst I finished my business and then literally dragged a tantrum throwing Baby R out of the loo. All this drama for one wee! So when I read these “me time” articles I couldn’t help but wonder kya yeh sach mein hota hai? Le chalo mujhe wahan!  See, nobody tells you about these things when you are pregnant. For example that you need to give birth to the placenta after birthing your baby (Sorry if you didn’t know that!). I’d rather be privy to both the wo...

Life with two littles can be best described as chaotic yet very rewarding. Especially when you have zero external support and the so called ‘village’ that is supposed to help raise your kids basically consists of you and your partner. You might agree with me when I say that when things get chaotic which they inevitably will, we tend to get overwhelmed and in that moment can’t seem to recognise any rewards. It’s only when we have a few minutes of calm that we are able to view our situation with a different lens.        Raising two toddlers means constant action, drama and sometimes disaster! I still remember that one day very clearly where I questioned my ability to be a “good mother” - a term which I hate but ironically fall prey to every so often. That’s a story for another day. So coming back to the day of disaster.  My older son (Little R) at the time was 2.5 years and my younger one (Baby R) was just over 6m. The country was in lockdown thanks to Covid and t...

Dear R & R I wonder how old you will be when you read this. Are you now both moody teenagers or strappy young men? Wherever in life you are at the moment, I hope that the following words will help guide you and provide you with perspective on life in general. Be kind - to yourself and to others. A kind word or act goes a long way in making this world a better place. So be kind even when you don’t feel like it.  Self belief- Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you; ideally even more. When you believe in yourself you can overcome the biggest of challenges that life inevitably presents us with.  Truth- Always speak the truth. Yes, even when you’re in the wrong. Fight for the truth so that justice is granted. Telling the truth will ensure that you always have peace of mind.    Say No when you need to- It’s important to set boundaries for yourself and saying no facilitates this process. Do what you need to do but don’t get burnt out. Nothing is worth it. ...

The title of supermom is as elusive as water off a ducks back. Yet we try to achieve this “gold standard”. Our eyes light up, we blush and sometimes proudly smile when someone presents us with this title even when made in passing. Why do we strive so hard to achieve this?  I believe that the “supermom” construct is basically an illusion created by societal expectations of mothers. Mothers are expected to do it all, aren’t we? We maybe fighting a million battles in the process but we continue being hard on ourselves; for what? external validation? Praise? Especially From those that just pass casual judgments?  It starts very early doesn’t it? The choices we make sometimes without even having a choice come under immense scrutiny- c section or vaginal delivery, breast or bottle, independent or co sleeping, traditional or baby led weaning and on and on and on. We always attempt to make the socially acceptable choice because who wants to stray away from the norm eh? More importantl...

I am writing this to you today, when I am still able to type fairly quickly with my left hand. My right hand as you know has fallen prey to the vagaries of Parkinson’s disease. Ronak, you, my sensitive and observant child have at the very young age of 3.5 identified my right hand as being too slow. You often kindly explain to Rikhil (a toddler now) that “mummy has boo in her hand”. I am so proud of the thoughtful and kind boy you are.  I am worried that I may at some point in the future experience the cognitive symptoms of the disease  so I want to capture what I want to tell you both now. Particularly, I myself want to be able to explain to you the nature and challenges of my condition.    I would like you to read this when you are a bit older so that you can understand better.    PD is a degenerative neurological condition which means that it will get worse over time. I want you to be aware of this as you may slowly notice changes in the way I think, move...