Dear Random Gyaani

Let me start by saying how absolutely annoying you are. I’m not sure what gives you the liberty to share your ‘gyan’ with us lesser mortals. Us who dared to embark upon motherhood without a plan and zero knowledge. Has it occurred to you even once that maybe we do have a plan and are in fact brimming with knowledge? Only because what we are doing doesn’t fall within the remit of how you went about raising your kids doesn’t give you the right to bestow upon us your gyan. I hope by now it’s clear that it is in fact unwanted. (The gyan; not so sure about the kids). It’s as unwanted as a toddler being asked to narrate the Alphabet in a room full of people he/she barely knows. 

So where do I begin? “Hiiiii any good news?” Sounds familiar? The nation wants to know! I mean it’s one thing to ask something this personal but it’s another thing altogether when you give gyan like “Don’t delay, it’s not good”, “You should be fit to take care of the child” and so on. The decision to have a child is a very personal one. I don’t even want to get into the plight of those battling infertility issues. We could all do with some empathy and respecting personal boundaries is the very first step. 

Then comes your next question to us. “Only one kid?” “Better to have none than one”. That’s just so hurtful. I’m not sure how you expect gyan like this to be acceptable. Again, remember personal boundaries? Repeat after me, “I will mind my own business”. 

So once we’ve actually had the baby, you who has no clue about what we’re going through have the absolute gall to tell us that, “Oh! You’re spoiling baby!”. Just because our parenting style differs from yours does not mean that you pass judgement so blithely. We could easily say to you “Oh! You’re scarring your baby!”. But we don’t say it because we respect that it’s your approach, we don’t have to agree with it and all we ask is this same level of respect. It’s that simple. Oh this also applies to similar gyan you give us for how we are raising our toddlers. Enough said. 

Then you give us gyan about why we should not work full time and how the kids need us. At the same time you tell us how our hard earned degrees are now a waste because we have chosen to be stay at home parents. Of course you are also worried about how we are not sharing the financial burden with our partners. 

“You will miss these days when they are so small” you tell us. “Problems increase with age so enjoy now” you lament. All this when we are functioning on almost zero sleep and struggling with managing kid(s) on our own with everything else. Have you ever learnt to read the room? Of course you haven’t but perhaps you should start. We agree whole heartedly that the early years are precious but they are also fraught with high physical dependency. Sure, problems may increase with age but telling us this when we are wiping a soiled bum in the middle of dinner? Read the room! 

So dear random gyaani, I’d like to conclude with a post I recently read which deeply resonated with me. I sincerely hope you are able to appreciate it too. 

“Now more than ever, we need to be willing to offer each other grace. 

Grace for having different opinions, 

Grace for not always knowing the answers 

Grace for making mistakes 

Grace as we learn to do better

Grace as we do the best we can 

That’s how we get through times like these - by lifting each other up, by forgiving each other’s humanness,

And showing love even when it’s hard”.