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Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!

Guilty guilty guilty mujhe log bole! Hi guilty, hello guilty kyun na bole?! 


Oh how I wish it was the ‘log’ because here, the guilt emanates from myself. Aren’t we mums guilty of feeling guilty? Guilt for going to the office, guilt for choosing to stay at home, guilt for taking more than 5 minutes in the loo!! Guilt, guilt, guilt. I never experienced this feeling so often and at such intensity before I became a mother. 


Why do we end up feeling so guilty all the time? I thought about this a lot and have come up with the following probable reasons: 


The image of the ‘ideal’ mother as portrayed by the media. The mum who supposedly has it all including a supreme spirit to sacrifice her own needs. It’s only recently that this ideal is being challenged but it will take a while because of its deep rooted impact. Thanks rahega Mother India! Thanks rahega!


External validation for being a fantastic mom! I mean why do we pine for external validation? The only validation you need is from yourself. You are doing the best you can for your kids and that’s all that matters. I know it’s easier said than done especially when the givers of said validation are supposedly wise. 


Constantly comparing yourself to other mums. Now this is as useless as a comb for a bald person. No seriously! You are just seeing one aspect of her life which seems to be perfect. Remember that every one has their own crap to deal with; just that they don’t share it all. They only share the best bits. Louder for the people at the back! 


The other day I was consumed by intense guilt because I’m unable to do certain tasks owing to personal challenges. It made me very upset. But then I remembered Amitabh Bachchan’s dialogue from Mohabbatein - Parampara, Pratishtha aur Anushasan blah blah blah and actually laughed out loud at the irony of it all. 


I can’t not talk about self care here. Don’t you think it’s at loggerheads with guilt? Recently, I went for a long walk as part of initiating a self care routine. Little R and Baby R were at home with their Dad. Upon entering the house upon my very refreshing walk, I felt really very guilty as the husband started saying how difficult the kids were and so on. Deep down I knew I should not feel guilty but I still did. Feeling guilty can dissuade one from practicing self care but it’s so important for overall health that self care must overthrow guilt entirely. 


I often wonder if Dads experience the same amount of guilt as us mums. Or do they have entirely different problems. Perhaps they bring a different perspective to the same situation. I’m yet to understand this. Please yaar koi toh samjhao mujhe. Tab tak you will find me singing “guilty, guilty, guilty…..” 🤷🏽‍♀️

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