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How Do You Manage?

I get asked this question a LOT and I’m not quite sure what the person asking this question really wants to hear. Do you want me to go into the nitty gritties of my daily schedule? Or is this merely small talk? What do you hope my response will be? What will you do with the answer(s) I provide? 


So, I umm and I aah. I stumble upon my words because there is no coherent answer in my mind. I finally come up with some general response which I fail to even recollect at this moment in time. However now, I give myself the liberty to reflect. 


So, manage what exactly? My kids? Their routines? Housework? Cooking? Chores? Other errands? My sanity? My health? 


I have 2 young boys (3years and 8m respectively) and a husband who has a very demanding job. We have zero external support. With all the Covid related restrictions, I can safely say that I’m winging it most days. I do have a plan but with a toddler and baby who have plans of their own, I’m learning to go with the flow. Some days are great whilst on others I’m purely surviving. With zero help it’s hard, no doubt but I’m being tried and tested in a hundred different ways and I’ve come to realise the beauty of self reliance.  


My kids rely on me. They see me as their protector, as a provider of their every need and that gives me the strength to show up and step up even on days that feel overbearing before they even begin. Their little eyes are watching me and their brain is absorbing; a lot of information, all the time. It is my responsibility to ensure that they perceive as much positivity as possible. 


These early childhood experiences are tremendously important and the connections we build now will establish the very core of their beings. There’s enough research to tell us the significance of the first 3 years of a child’s life. Having this knowledge means that I always end up prioritising my children’s needs over mine and very often get the balance terribly wrong. 


So, coming back to that question then. How do you manage? There’s no easy answer I’m afraid, especially in these very strange times that we find ourselves in. Perhaps a more empathetic response if there is genuine concern about my situation would be “I can’t imagine how you’re doing it”, “You’re doing the best you can”, “Can I help in any way to make it easier?”. 


It’s the little things that matter. It’s not always what you say, it’s how you say it. “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel” (Maya Angelou). No truer words have been spoken. 


Motherhood is incredibly beautiful and rewarding. However it is also incredibly raw and challenging. And, there in lies one of life’s greatest ironies. I am confident that I will emerge a very different person on the other side of this storm but for now “I’m managing” 😏



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