Too Much Sowing & Reaping?

We have been strongly conditioned to believe that our children are our reflection. Perhaps to an extent, yes. However, an individual child is their own person. 

For example, so many times I’ve seen parents embarrassed by the fact that they have a shy child. They are almost always apologetic about this as if to say that this somehow reflects poorly on themselves. My point here is, there is only so much sowing you can do. The resultant behaviour or attribute of a child does not replicate a cause effect paradigm. Why? Because of the individuality that every child brings with them. By all means educate your children, make them aware of the difference between right and wrong , provide them with a stimulating and fulfilling environment. However do not expect them to be mini you. They can’t. 

As parents, it’s difficult not to be judged by the wider society if your child deviates from its so called acceptable norms. You may have been moulded to fit into these preconceived societal notions but your children need not. The least we can do as parents is refrain from projecting our own thoughts and emotions on our children. Because again, you can only sow so much to reap ‘benefits’ of any kind. 

It’s very easy to feel insecure by comparing your child’s development or progress to that of a peer. I am guilty of falling prey to this negative thought process too that ends up doing more harm than good. “What if I’m not doing the right thing by not enrolling my child in extra curricular activities?”, “What if I’m damaging my child with x amount of screen time?”, “What if I feed my child burgers and pizzas on some days because I’m exhausted to cook?” We end up thinking far too much , don’t we and all these questions are about our own actions or lack of and their potential consequences...Sowing seeds and reaping benefits. Here we go again! See what I mean? 

At the end of the day, raising tiny humans is challenging as much as it is fulfilling. We all want the best for our children and hope that they turn into decent human beings. We just need to accept that while they do or don’t end up achieving this, our job is to provide the foundation - whether they build a tower or bridge is entirely up to them.